Disco Inferno

So Saturday afternoon it’s rainy and wet and around 4:00 the music starts again. I should mention that the Dick Next Door is married to a Polish woman, not bad looking in a girl-next-door way, if the girl next door was the kind to denounce her neighbors as Jews to the secret police. I thought about just going out for a while and letting him run himself down but I didn’t want to get wet and there aren’t a lot of places to go at 4 on a rainy Saturday. Plus I'd had enough.

I sent two of the following and all texts follow in sequence.

Me-

(Dick Next Door), please turn your stereo down. Fair warning; I won’t ask again.

Dick Next Door-

Message 1

you kill me!

Message 2

It is down…although I am sharing my wife’s birthday…but cannot dance with her because what is not loud here is loud with you! You have changed my life

Ok, here he breaks and I should point something out so I don’t hit red on the anus meter. During one of our many discussions, I told him that I don’t care if he’s noisy when he’s having a party because 1) he has to live his life and b) I didn’t want him getting his panties in a wad and calling the cops when I have parties. I also don’t care when he’s watching a movie because the ceilings in the place really fuck with the acoustics and you have to crank it up to hear dialogue but the explosions sound real time. If he had just started out with ‘it’s my wife’s birthday’ I wouldn’t have given a damn. But noisy neighbors are about as easy to straighten out as alkies and after 5 months of this shit I was done and figured I'd let him play his hand. If it comes down to me enjoying my apartment or him dancing to the music of the spheres, fuck him.

Me-

If the noise continues, I will file a complaint with (the place I live) and pursue the matter to resolution. The choice is yours.

Message 3

Wow! You are almost robotic and non responsive!

Message 4

You sadden me…to make such a claim…you treat me like a person who does not care!

Message 5

You have made me aware of your true intentions to debunk my simple life only to compliment your quiet solitude! So I give it to you without disregard!

Message 6

May you live in peace alone…without the comfort of others…without the understanding of those…without the care of the ordinary. Bless you!

Message 7

goodbye from me!

Two hours later:

Message 8

I thought you were my friend…I was wrong?

This is all a little boiled bunny for me. Look, I don't care if you're Tea Leoni in heat, I don't want to get 8 text messages from you every night. (We could have made it work, Tea. Duckovny's a sex addict, it's not like I'd ask you to do anything you thought was weird.) I keep thinking that I’m going to come home and someone will have scratched ‘I will not be ignored!’ on my door with the tip of a knife. One thing though, this was the only time I complained and he really turned his stereo down so that I couldn’t hear it.